Or I made through another weekend alive.
|Sep 24||Public post|
considering all that's barrelling toward me in the coming weeks, I feel possible. I am getting intentional space to imagine. I'm excited to have imaginations to explore. language feels less impossible recently. I accept more translations of the present. I am also trying to say less. overexposure has evaporated as a delicacy. my palette craves better gestures of suggestion this also means I've decided to that I have to articulate with a different timbre of discretion. I am surrounded by people who love me, who listen. I am barely navigating an outside that doesn't require my disdain for the public.
I'm trying to find a meaningful way to begin my next short story. maybe I'll try B's way of making a list, on something disposable of thing, of things I want to include & the rest will pour out of me. Maybe I've completely oversold my capacity. I tell myself I never read but I mean I haven't read everything my friends have. Maybe I have gotten this far on looks. If nothing is real, I can decide this isn't an insult to my intelligence. the worst humor is self-referential. I don't believe that. there are easter eggs across all my work. also across my body. each tattoo means a specific thing except one. I have an equal sign on my left tit, etc. none of my characters have visible tattoos yet. I wish I could get into the sociological culture of tattoos in the 21st century but y'all can't afford that essay. The sky is so blue behind the clouds. An abandon theme park. A cult. Stolen tarot cards. I write about men I love as gifts to myself. I write about women I love as gifts to them. I write about myself in case I forget how to love. Which of my characters will be brave enough to love out loud?
been playing a new kind of domesticity. it costs less because I fill my days-off from the stage with exclusively beneficial things. I make the rest of my time matter so I can never call what I give away so freely, a waste. I'm keeping up my necessities. check again & touch is still my most important love language. I have found a man to hug daily. It's enough.