or the polls are in & I have a new favorite lip color.
|Sep 19||Public post|
I am watching a woman, who it would be fun to be, watch her man's mouth as he speaks. The gestures across his lips. I watch her mouth listen + smile & bend into a thought. her man's mouth is unremarkable but her eyes look them into winning a popular vote.
the polls are in & I have a new favorite lip color. the man I love presently doesn't seem to notice, but it's supposed to be a subtle color. It still stains my coffee cups. I still love him. I imagine his mouth. A garage. Light spilling.
I am almost embarrassed to admit how long I have written letters to boys. if only he could know how I saw him. it's the myth of reflectomancy. if I can show him how wonderful he is maybe he'll see me a spectacular. I've lost count of the names I've scribbled. Dear / To My Love / Yo...in adulthood when I've almost felt bereft in love, I scream "I love you" in my room. I've only almost been caught once. it's never about the boy but the letter, the act. the performance. I want applause after, only. I've never not known me to be at least a little love-mad even when I've been celibate for years.
I'm curious about the parameters of intimacy when performed in public. I'm watching a man watch a couple gently caress each other while conversing. I am a voyeur's voyeur. I misunderstand privacy because I assume I have nothing to watch. what if my best self is unremarkable? what a gift. I want someone to watch someone trace my palm lovingly in a quiet cafe afternoon.
making eyes was the first language I spoke fluently. my mouth is always the lesser of two evils. you'd rather me say something than just look at you.
if the gestural is a helpful location, I consider my best desires a reach. nothing I want doesn't risk overextension.
I am watching the same woman caress her man's throat. I want to be her hand & his throat. I want submission & constriction the same distance from my grasp. I want you to be curious. We all read the body differently but my looks touch further than my wingspan is built for. I am watching that same woman laugh with her whole mouth. I want to be the air that escapes.